Cai

Family Weekend just came and went, and it was... disappointing. As always. Argh. Freshman year, my parents didn't bother coming at all. Last year, they came but didn't want to see my campus, meet my friends, or hear about my classes - they used it as an excuse to go up to Cleveland to visit my dad's college buddy. I got dragged along, which meant I didn't have as much ability to do my homework, and I didn't get to spend time with David or his parents.

This year, they barely spoke to me the entire time they were here, and when they did, it was to tell me that whatever I was saying was annoying/unimportant/wrong. They also didn't bother scheduling their trip out to make sure they could come to my research presentation on Friday. Luckily, David's parents filled in.

Aaaaargh.

--

All my scarves are in to the show I'm selling at. I put five total in, and I might add one or two more while the show's running. The show opens on the 5th! Anything that doesn't sell, I think I'll put up on etsy. Can't hurt.

--

I'm currently super-swamped in classes - two annotated bibliographies due this week, on top of all my normal homework (hours of drawing, 125+ pages of anth article reading, etc), and soon I'll have to write my Anth of Food paper, which is proving harder to organize than I had expected from my prelim research.

But yeah, between classwork, general stress, and the shitshow that was my family coming to "visit me", I haven't had much time or energy to read my f-list - and that's usually what I do to destress/take up time/etc! Sadness.


ETA: Anthropology of Food bib: 2/10+ sources
Archaeology of Death bib: 2/8+ sources

I'MA GOIN'!

OKAY F-LIST. SCARF TIME.

I really really want to weave log cabin again! But I don't know what I'd use a piece of fabric that looks like that for/when I'd wear a log cabin scarf.

SO F-LIST. IF ONE OF YOU WANTS A SCARF LIKE THIS, AND IS WILLING TO PITCH IN ON MATERIALS COST, I CAN MAKE YOU A WONDERFULLY SOFT AND SQUISHY WOOL/BAMBOO SCARF IN ANY TWO COLORS YOU LIKE. Though possibly not until September, but.

Updates:

My program is STILL not up and running, and I made the guy promise to get me the newest try at getting it to work by Friday morning. :/ Three weeks and barely anything done. Aaargh. I can't even start scheduling participants.

I've been doing some basic graphic design stuff for the bio department in my off time. They tapped me to do a poster at the end of the semester, and apparently I'm decent enough that they want me to keep putting posters together for them. And they're paying, so! :)

(Also, my weaving teacher is lending me a loom for the summer, so I got that yesterday and already have a project on it and half complete. ... eheheh.

ETA: liu_xing's scarf is off the loom and waiting on finishing! Hope you like peacocks, darling~)

Probably no Vincent costume for Otakon. David thinks he can't do his pieces well enough and that it'd cost too much for a one or two time thing. He's going to try and beef up his steampunk costume instead. I'm sad. :<

I am, though, going to add some bits and bobs to my steampunk loli outfit. I'm going to weave some fabric for a bag and then weave the strap for it on the inkle loom I've also been lent! (The bag fabric will also be used to make a pillow or two, I think.)

I'm about 98% sure I'm switching majors, now. I just have to talk with Prof L about it. Luckily, he's so super supportive about everything that I don't think he'll mind too much, but I'm still super nervous. :x

So, I believe I've made a decision.

After Lenna is finished (which I'm not working too actively on), I think I'm done with cosplay.

I'll still go to a convention a year or so, to see everybody, but making new costumes is just becoming more stressful and less interesting. I have enough costumes that I like wearing that I can just pull from my closet. Plus with less time because of school and less money because of not being as spoiled anymore, it just seems to make sense.

There's a chance I'll be making Alex and Vincent costumes for Sarah and David (and we still kind of want to do Le Chevalier d'Eon costumes, with me as Lia, David and Durand, and Sarah and d'Eon), and if anybody wants to do a skit, I'll see what I can do, but for the foreseeable future, no plans.

I've been faced with the reality of, you know, real life:

You can only have a few hobbies before you run out of time and money.


So for now, I'm comfortable with just weaving and gaming.

♥

So far, on the baby-blanket-in-exchange-for-program-I-need-for-my-research project:

$45 in materials
2 hours planning/doing the math
2 hours winding the warp
3.25 hours dressing the loom (ongoing)


Mostly done today.

My back hurts :

Scarf post!



( Blossom Scarves Take 1 )



I started my first Farsiris-inspired scarf today. Clasped weft, like this but not as dramatic. It's tricky! :< And it's my first time working without a floating selvedge, too, so my edges are going to be wonky. The yarns I'm using make it look almost velvety, though, and it's starting to go a bit more easily. It's going to take forever to weave, though.

Originally, I was planning on using a small portion of my Summer Science stipend to get myself a doll (that would become Farsiris doll - an Iplehouse I) for my birthday. But customizing dolls is frustrating, time consuming... she would have to have full body blushing with grey at least in some areas to make her the color I needed, she would have to have scarring done, ear gauge mods, a hand-stitched and embroidered corset, a hand-made wig...

So I realized that it probably wasn't the time for her.

Instead, I needed something soothing and therapeutic. I already have enough cooking supplies for now, in spades. It's actually slightly ridiculous. I don't know how I'm getting all my supplies home this summer.

So what?

Oh yeah- I bought all that yarn this break.

And oh yeah, I have a bunch of projects for next semester, but two of them (towels/washcloths and a rug) will take quite a long time. And on top of those two, I wanted to make scarves for:

My aunt
My grandfather
Weishan
Marcie (my roommate next year)
Me
Prof L.

And that's at the very least.

So I took a look at my budget, and...




I'll be getting myself a Schacht Wolf Pup loom for my birthday. :) It folds up, even if you have a project on it, to a depth of about 16". It's a four-shaft loom, so I'm stuck to only four-shaft patterns, but I've had no problem with that so far. There's a version with a removable back beam for ease of threading the heddles, and six treddles so that I can learn different tie-up methods. It only has a weaving width of 18", 14" comfortably, but since this is more for me weaving scarves and table runners and MAYBE washcloths, mostly gift items and all for me to relax, first and foremost, 14" wide is fine by me. One day, I'll get a larger loom with eight shafts.

I'm so excited! The wolf pup should fit perfectly in my dorm room next year. I'm lofting my bed above my desk, and I'll bet you there's enough space to put a folded up loom next to my desk. I can either weave in the extra space left by lofting the bed, or I can take the loom out to the common room!

I can't wait for next year. :) It's just going to be hard being in New Zealand without a loom.

FFX and vacation posts STILL being put off, haha. I promise I'll get there eventually.


Just finished up the rough drafts of all my internal review board stuff, and I hammered out the first try at my multitasking survey. Once I have it up, would any of you guys be willing to go through it and tell me if the directions make sense/if it's easy to complete? I might also need people to do the complete survey sections and tell me how long it took them. It'd be a big help, and if you like, I can offer drabble-things in return. :)


I got everything done yesterday that I wanted to get done! So that's fun. My room is now nice and clean and ORGANIZED and we pulled a bunch of stuff that I don't use/don't need into a box. So much less overwhelming.

Tonight is weaving, and Sarah's coming along to help me decide if I'm making matching cherry blossom scarves or if I'm making one a cherry blossom and one a plum blossom. :)

In a few hours, I'm off to the airport, and from there to Denver, and from there to Wyoming!

But before I go, here's the promised in-progress weaving pictures of robinhood's scarf, and some bonus pictures of the bread I baked from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day.

First the weaving.

Here's a shot of my loom:



( Weaving! )

And here's the bread!




Now off to spring break I go!

Long rambly post time. Not terribly happy.


So I went to a talk on campus this past Wednesday, given by Courtney Martin, author of Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. The talk was mainly about the pressures women are under these days. I think the quote used to advertise the talk was:

Our mothers told us we could be anything. We heard we had to be everything.

The focus was obviously on how that can lead to eating disorders (the main point of the book as well), but it also touched on anxiety problems divorced from eating disorders. It was a very well-given talk (and I nearly jumped for joy when she addressed that these problems were not just white middle-class problems, no matter how the media portrays them. These affect, in some ways, every woman in this culture. For every white girl starving themselves to be thin, there are latina women forcing themselves to work out obsessively to get the ass that they are 'supposed' to have, etc.), and a lot of the ideas resonated.

After the talk, I went up to chat with her, thank her for coming, and mention that I came because of anxiety reasons and found the talk just as helpful. It turns out her personal experience with this topic are from the anxiety side, not the eating disorder side, so we bonded a bit over that.

Thursday at therapy, I brought up the talk with my therapist, and she agreed with me that I had some of those same distorted thoughts - that I had to be perfect, that I was never good enough - and that I took it out on myself just as badly. Not with food - my relationship with food is strange, but it's not a punishment - but with how I think about myself and value myself.


I was supposed to come up with ten affirmations about myself.

I came up with five, and that was only with extensive help from David and Sarah. I can't think of anything else that's good about me as a person.

I never knew that was weird.


Weaving's been helping me relax a little bit, though I still feel dead to the world half the time and too aware the rest of it. I feel constantly like I'm overwhelmed with work and yet being too lazy. I'm tired.

I finished shinra_inc's scarf - the weaving part, at least. I'm knotting it and washing it Tuesday night, and will hopefully be starting robinhood's that night, too.

I started reading weaving blogs. I especially love this blog. The man dyes, spins, and weaves his own yarn. The pieces he's made are gorgeous. I can't wait to try some of his tips out.


I went to the dentist yesterday morning. Hour long exam, 30 x-rays, 7 cavities found. And the nerve in one of my already-filled teeth might be going, which means possible root canal. At least nothing needs to be pulled.

I fucking hate this. I hate what I've done to myself. When I was younger, I never got in the habit of brushing my teeth daily, and my parents never forced me. I'd go weeks without brushing. I had cavities constantly, but I never stuck to brushing them. I just got yelled at about them. And then I had braces, and because they misjudged when my lower braces could go on, I had upper braces for five years. Even if I had had the best oral hygiene habits in the world, that would have fucked me over. And of course it did. I had cavities on my front teeth. One didn't even get filled until three fucking years later, this fall, when I made the apointment myself because my parents kept putting it off. It's okay now. And now I'm finally brushing every single day, about to start pushing for twice, with mouthwash and floss.

But this never, ever should have happened.

I feel disgusting and worthless because I can't even take care of my teeth. Nearly every single one of my teeth will have a filling. They're yellowed and because of the fillings, I can never bleach them. They're still misaligned because I didn't wear my retainer enough on the bottom. I get canker sores. I have fucking open sores in my mouth at least once a month no matter what I do.

And I'm just so sick and tired for being berated by outside sources about it. By dentists and family and even just reading non-directed mockery of people who can't take care of their teeth. I hate myself enough for it already. It's not like I don't care.


It's shit like this that makes me feel like I shouldn't be happy. That I am a fundamentally flawed person. That I am unreliable, rotting from the inside.