(no subject)

[serindrana]

So, last night and this morning were shit. Last night I had two episodes, at least, maybe three, within six hours. They left me completely drained. Then David got home late and was frustrated with... whatever, and started bitching at me about how our phone conversations are "dysfunctional". I couldn't handle that then, and it devolved into an argument about how he didn't want to hear about my being sick because he couldn't fix it, so all he wanted to know was stuff that made it into a puzzle, and I was just trying to get him to say that he loved me, that things would be okay, etc. Then he went offline because he had work this morning, and he won't be back or in contact until Thursday.

So I finally got to sleep around 3-4 AM, woke up a few times, fed the cats around 6 (and saw a message from David sort of apologizing), went back to sleep until around 9:30. Got up, called the doctor, got to wait until she called back so she could tell the cardiologist that it was an urgent case and to move my appointment sooner. I got some Sati work done, but my heart rate was up steady around 95 bpm all morning.

Finally got a call back from the doctor, she's working on getting that appointment for me, but apparently cardiology closed early today, so we'll see what happens tomorrow. I took a nap, woke up feeling a bit better, then went and did more Sati work. Now my heart rate is normal but my body feels like shit from the adrenaline that a fast heart rate was causing to be released. I'm just tired and sore and uuuuugh.

.-.

Anyway. Sati progress is chugging along. The crown and belt are almost finished, as well as the cuffs. I made the scales for the collar, too. Progress shots as soon as the cuffs and collar are done.

Comments

[dragonwhishes.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry about your heart and your boyfriend.

[serindrana.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) The David thing is stressful but not worrying, I guess. It's frustrating, but I don't even have a tiny feeling that I can't bear it. I just want to see him, and I will in about a week. I mean, obviously he feels powerless and that's probably pissing him off on some level, and so we're taking out pissed-off-ness out on each other. We haven't seen each other since the beginning of May, so.

[epiic.livejournal.com]

> he didn't want to hear about my being sick because he couldn't fix it

That's kinda messed up. It is nice feeling being able to help fix a girlfriend's problems. When that isn't possible, it is frustrating, but knowing at least hearing things out can make people feel better, I want nothing more than to be at least allowed to listen.

But, assuming anyone thinks remotely like me has regularly been proven to be a big mistake. And at least he apologized.

[serindrana.livejournal.com]

He doesn't believe me when I say that him just listening and being there helps. :/ I'm trying to get him to understand that it's okay if he can't fix it, no matter how frustrating it is, because he can help me more if he doesn't let it get to him.

I mean, given my family history, I know a lot about not being able to help when somebody's sick. So you do what you can. (Since he's in Wyoming and I'm not currently, it's harder, but...)

I dunno, I feel like maybe I shouldn't bring it up if it's not necessary until I go to see him in a week. Then we can talk about it in person, and that might help. We've been apart since early May, so.