An Explanation and Apology (of sorts)

[serindrana]

I have a sinking sensation that I'm slipping into mild depression. I can't even get up the willpower to make my bed - I'm sleeping on a bare mattress wrapped in a comforter. And I hate it, but I can't make my bed, or clean my room, or work on anything... I get my school work done, and then I just stare at the screen or sleep. And I'm pissy and irritable and just have this sense of absolutely hating myself, and I try and say "Oh, I can't do this" or "Oh, I can't do that," but it's not the answer. I can barely will myself to talk to more than a few different people. ochibi_chan is one of 'em... and probably the only one that actually helps some.

Meanwhile, I'm bitching out _rachelmunkii every time something minor comes up and not realizing until I'm halfway into it what I'm doing, and I can't even stop myself. It's just... ugh. I don't know. I know I don't hate you, Ondine, or dislike you. I respect you so much and you have no idea how much I want to be a mature and likable person around you. More than anything, I want you to like me. But apparently, I can't get myself to just be my normal self around you. Instead, I make you deal with the worst shitty parts of my personality, and then act like nothing every happened. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

And the rest? I can barely work up the will to reply to. So yeah. Something's up. I have no fucking clue what is it, either, but it sure as hell feels a bit like depression. I'm just.. I'm dead or I'm so pissed off for absolutely no reason. And I can't find a break.

Ugh.

Comments

[obtains.livejournal.com]

Everyone has such days, I think. It's just a spell that comes up. I know I go through some SERIOUS bouts of depression for no apparent reason (like not only wanting to do anything but sleep, but also not having the will to eat anything at all), but you'll be happy again I swear.

[serindrana.livejournal.com]

Normally I'd shrug it off, but it's been going on for almost a month T_T

But yeah, that's pretty serious o.o Food is still nummy. XD

[obtains.livejournal.com]

Oh my UM. I still believe in you?

Yep :l FOOD IS DELICIOUS D:

[infinitywulf.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hope you get to feeling like yourself again soon. I have manic depression myself (normally on a near constant manic though unsurprisingly) so I can feel for you. Just a heads up, the recent changes in the weather could be doing it too, I know I tend to have more bouts of mine around this time and towards the end of winter/early spring.

[sursumalucinor.livejournal.com]

Good luck, honey. I know what that's like, believe you me. xD;

<3333 We'll both get through though, nyeh?

[liu-xing.livejournal.com]

:( You sound just like me when I was applying to college. I got really irritable and lazy for no reason and when people asked me about it, I'd just snap at them. It's a rough time. I'm sorry :(

[albatordomi.livejournal.com]

Hell I feel like there's a cruel twist of fate. I'm feeling good about my life right now for a change, you hit a rough patch. Depression is a bitch, that's for sure.
Personally I swear by medication, even if it only partly helps and has side-effects.
But I hope and pray for you that you'll return to the busy, ebullient sprite you were. You've been such an inspiration!
Cheers,
Dominic